Custody Battles: Children in the Vortex

The maelstrom of conflict between parents in a divorce or custody battle often catches up the children and dashes them against the same rocks that brought the marriage to destruction.

Even the mildest custody conflict can damage children and their relationships with one or both parents, but the injury can be severe when the conflict is intense and where one or both parties bring the children into the vortex.

Judge Larry Primeaux, Chancery Court, 12th District of Mississippi has some great advice for parents. He says:


1. A custody dispute is not about winning or losing. Custody is decided on the basis of what is in the best interest of the children. No matter what the judge decides, his or her decision will be based on what is best for the children. Help your client understand [the relevant factors], how they apply in her case, and how to maximize her strong points while minimizing her exposure on the weak points.

2. Hate and revenge do not help. If your client’s motivation for custody is hate and/or revenge, he will be operating under a considerable disadvantage because (1) those are not positive factors under Albright for custody, and (2) they communicate to the children that they are spoils of war to be won instead of children who are to be loved no matter what the controversy is between the parents.

3. Never allow the children to make the custody decision. Children do not know what is best for them. They are subject to all sorts of influences, the strongest of which appeal to what they believe they want. It is appropriate to ask a mature child’s opinion, but only as input, never as a final decision. The parent or lawyer who tells a child “You will get to decide when you reach x age” is doing the child a great disservice because the law never gives the child a right to finally decide; that decision is always up to the judge.

Children who are made to decide often feel that they have betrayed one parent or the other. Making a child decide is putting the child squarely in the middle of the conflict.

4. Children who are placed in the middle learn to manipulate. Parents who put their children in the middle usually find that the children become master manipulators, playing both sides against each other to gain whatever it is that the child wants or thinks he wants.

5. Putting the children in the middle complicates the case. When the parties put the children in the middle, the resulting conflict spawns contempt proceedings, modifications, more discovery about all kinds of peripheral matters, and adds expense, stress, conflict and injured relationships to everyone’s plates.

6. Drop the drama. The only enjoyable thing about a divorce or custody battle for most people is the attention and sympathy they derive from others over the suffering and pain they have to endure. So when they find their friends’ and family’s attention wandering, they will ramp up the drama to regain the spotlight. That’s self-defeating because it usually takes some kind of negative action to stimulate the other side into conflict. The best and most productive policy is to drop the drama and act like an adult and a caring parent.

7. Act like an adult. The best behavior you can model for your children is to act like an adult. Treat the other party with the respect he or she deserves as parent of your child.

Eschew juvenile name-calling. Turn your back on invitations to argue. Avoid sarcasm and profanity. No threats, veiled or otherwise. Your children are watching and learning from your every move.

Do I need a Process Server?

In most Arizona family law cases you must prove to the court that the other party has been given their copy of the legal documents you filed. The faster you can have this proof filed with the court the better. Most family law cases must be completed within 120 days or the court will dismiss the case for "lack of prosecution".

With that being said typically most cases do not need to involve a process server if the other party is willing to sign that they received a copy of the legal documents. If the other party for example signs an "Acceptance of Service" then that can be used as proof of service. Discount Divorce provides the Acceptance of Service in all cases at no additional charge.

However, if the other party proves to be difficult or uncooperative then one alternative is have them severed by a process server.

What is Service of Process?

Service of Process is when court documents are delivered to the individual to whom the legal document is directed. Service of Process must be served by an individual who is not a party to the case. This may mean handing the documents to the defendant personally or sub-serving to someone in the same household. Once the documents are delivered, the process serving agent must provide proof that the papers were served. This is done through a document call an Affidavit of Service, also called a Proof of Service, which must be notarized in some cases and given to the party who requested service. In Arizona and most states, someone who performs service of process is required by law to be licensed.

Even if a process server does not need to be licensed in the state where you need service, you should keep in mind that a process server is someone who is experienced in serving legal documents efficiently. More importantly, professional process servers are knowledgeable of the legislation surrounding service of process in their state or county. There are several requirements and constraints associated with serving legal documents that vary from state to state, or county to county. If the service is not performed in accordance with the law, this can hinder your case from going forward or result in the dismissal of your case.

Discount Divorce has process servers in all 50 states and in 3,140 counties. We can serve your legal documents almost anywhere in the United States.

For more information visit DiscountDivorcePro.com

Difference Between Chapters 7 & 13 Bankruptcies

Going Bankrupt: Repayment of Your Debt

The biggest difference between Chapters 7 and 13 bankruptcies is the repayment of your debt. Chapter 13 bankruptcy involves a court-ordered repayment plan where a portion of your debt back is repaid to your creditors. In a Chapter 7 bankruptcy, there is no repayment plan and certain debts can simply be eliminated.

Length of Chapter 7 and Chapter 13 Bankruptcy Process

The second major difference between the two chapters is the time it takes to complete each chapter’s filing process. While a Chapter 7 bankruptcy filing usually only takes 4-6 months to complete, a Chapter 13 bankruptcy is a much longer procedure and usually lasts 3-5 years.

Protecting Assets v. Possible Liquidation

Your assets are protected in a Chapter 13 bankruptcy and the bankruptcy can even help you save assets that are facing foreclosure or repossession -- such as a house or car. Since a Chapter 13 bankruptcy in not a liquidation bankruptcy, you are able to keep your assets even if your states exemptions do not completely protect them. In a Chapter 7 bankruptcy, although it rarely happens, the Bankruptcy Court can liquidate your assets if they are not protected by your state’s bankruptcy exemptions. Your state probably has a specific exemption to protect a portion of equity in your house or car.

For more information go to DiscountDivorcePro.com

What Are My Chances If I Go To Trail?

What are my chances of winning at trial? I have many clients ask me that question. I like what James J. Gross an attorney tells his clients. He quotes Hans Solo and then gives a list of obstacles that demonstrates why it is hard to answer that question intelligently.

“Never tell me the odds, Kid.” That’s what Hans Solo said to Luke Skywalker just before they flew through the asteroids in Star Wars.


First, the Code of Professional Responsibility prohibits me from giving you percentages, because each case is unique with its own set of facts.

Second, the judge weighs the testimony and credibility of the witnesses, and there is no lie detector at the bench.

Third, the judge doesn’t always get it right.

Fourth, you might win or you might lose, or it might be something in the middle. Usually there is a least one thing in the judge’s decision to feel bad about.

Fifth, my crystal ball is cloudy.

Sixth, two judges trying the same set of facts, will give different opinions.

Seventh, judges have their own filters, feelings, history and perceptions. Did the judge have an absent father and nurturing mother? Is the judge divorced and mad about having to pay alimony? Did the judge have a good breakfast or an argument with their spouse on the morning of your trial?

So your chances of winning? It all depends.

An Interesting Case: Is Drug Use Ok Prior to Visitation Acceptable?

In a recent case in the New Jersey Superior Court, Appellate Division, Case Number: A-2571-10T4, filed: December 21, 2011 declared that not all instances of drug ingestion of a parent will serve to substantiate a finding of child abuse or neglect. The court was addressing a case involving a father with supervised visitation with his daughter due to charges of assault and child abuse.

The Division of Youth and Family Services had obtained an order restricting the father's contact with his daughter to division-supervised visits. He was also ordered to attend substance abuse treatment and submit to urine testing.

At supervised visits, the father tested positive for cocaine and marijuana, and later admitted using such drugs two days prior to the visits. (The test results came back several days after the visits, which the visitation supervisor reported were uneventful, with the father acting appropriately and showing no signs of impairment.)

Finding that the father had not fully cooperated with the recommended drug treatment, the trial court held that he had exposed the 11-year-old daughter to a substantial risk of harm during the visits by testing positive for cocaine and marijuana, and concluded that the division had proven by a preponderance of the evidence that he had neglected her.
Reversing, Judge Ellen L. Koblitz accepted the trial court's factual findings, but disagreed that such behavior inherently created a substantial risk of harm to the child. The Court of Appeals noted that the Division reported that the father behaved appropriately at both supervised visits and demonstrated no indicia of impairment. Thus, the State had not demonstrated any risk, let alone one of a substantial nature, to his daughter.

“Contrary to the trial judge's conclusion, use of illegal drugs days prior to a supervised visit does not as a matter of law constitute neglect.”

“We recognize that the use of illicit drugs is illegal and that a parent should not exercise visitation, even supervised visitation, while impaired. However, Title 9 [incorporating the state child abuse statutes] is not intended to extend to all parents who imbibe illegal substances at any time. The Division would be quickly overwhelmed if law enforcement was required to report every individual under the influence who had children.”

For more information visit: DiscountDivorcePro.com

When is the Best Time to File for Divorce?

Everyone facing a divorce will wonder to some extent if it's the right time to file. I read an interesting article in the county bar’s newsletter written by an attorney, and he says that if any of the following conditions exist, you should seriously consider filing for divorce – after seeking legal advice.


1. Violence. If there has been violence directed against you or your children, you probably need to get out. You may be able to get your spouse kicked out, but you should take whatever steps are necessary for the safety of you and your kids.

2. Abandonment. If your spouse has left, that's a pretty clear signal that the marriage is over. You should file to protect yourself financially and to take care of your kids (if you have any).

3. Hiding of Assets. If you discover, or suspect, that your spouse is hiding assets from you.

4. Wasting or Disposing of Assets. If your spouse is spending money irresponsibly or getting rid of assets, you need to put a stop to it.

5. Your Gut Feeling. Sometimes you just know that the time is right. You may not be able to put your finger on a specific reason or cause, but you know it's time.

6. Counseling Doesn't Work. You've tried counseling and you just didn't get the issues resolved. Often the party not initiating counseling is resistant and won't put in the effort to make changes. It's usually a good idea to try working with a counselor, but (as you undoubtedly know) you can't make your spouse change unless he or she wants to.

7. Hiding the Kids. If this is going on, you need to act right away.

8. Alienating the Kids. This is less obvious, but you may start seeing signs if the kids suddenly start avoiding you or saying hateful things to you. You need to get into court, get the kids into counseling and get some controls over your spouse. It is very difficult to stop and undo such behavior.

9. Running Away. If your spouse has run away with the kids, you need to get into court and get an order to get the kids back. You don't want to wait and allow your spouse to establish legal residence somewhere else.

10. Spouse is About to File. If you find out your spouse is about to file for divorce, you need to decide whether to try to beat your spouse to the courthouse or just prepare for a first court hearing.

Hopefully, this list will help you think about the decision of when to file.

For more information go to DiscountDivorcePro.com

Tips for Self Representation in Court: The Objection

By: Susan Minsberg

The purpose of a deposition is to gather information, not to show off. The permissible scope of discovery is whether the information you are seeking is reasonably calculated to lead to the discovery of admissible evidence. The standard is not whether it will be admissible. Rather,can it lead to admissible evidence?

• Irrelevant. If the question may lead to admissible evidence, it is proper. If the question is so far afield, a relevance objection may be warranted.

• Hearsay. While a hearsay objection is appropriate at trial, it is not appropriate in a deposition.

For example, if you ask the deponent, “What did Jane tell you?” the answer can lead to the discovery of admissible evidence. You can determine based on the answer whether you should take Jane’s deposition and you can then ask Jane directly.

If Jane’s testimony is important, you can call Jane as a witness to testify at trial.

• Assumes facts not in evidence. Since this is not a trial, it is okay to assume facts that are not in evidence.

• Calls for an opinion. You do not need to lay foundation to determine whether the deponent is qualified to give an opinion. It is appropriate to ask for an opinion and how he or she arrived at that opinion. Those answers can lead to discoverable evidence.

• Speaking and coaching objections. The lawyer defending the deposition is not supposed to be testifying. Nor should the lawyer coach the deponent with objections.

Objections should be stated succinctly in a non-argumentative and non-suggestive manner.

Privilege. This is the big one. It must be made or it is waived. This covers any privilege such as attorney-client and physician-client. You can ask, “When you spoke with your lawyer about this case, was anyone else in the room? Who?” Based on the answer, the privilege may have been waived. Privilege is the one rare case in which a deponent should be instructed to refuse to answer.

• Form of the question. This objection is usually asserted to make a clear record. For example, if the question is compound and the person answers yes, what portion of the question are they agreeing with? A form objection should also be made to a confusing question, as well as a question that calls for the witness to speculate. Form questions are waived if they are not made during the deposition.

• Mischaracterizes earlier testimony. This is also to make sure there is a clear
record.

• Asked and answered. This is a useful objection to make sure that your client doesn’t give a different answer than was given a few hours earlier. If you don’t make the objection and your client does provide differing information, your client has obviously lost credibility.

• Harassment. If the deponent is being harassed or bullied, object. If that behavior continues, state on the record that if the specified conduct continues, you will terminate the deposition. Make sure the record will be clear to an outsider (i.e. the judge) that the witness was being harassed.

For more information visit DiscountDivorcePro.com